The Dilemma's of Dating

This week we're going to be talking about dating and the different viewpoints that can be had about it. Today's definition of dating is a lot different from what it used to be. It has changed exponentially over the course of these last few years. If I'm being completely honest dating is not something that I have a ton of experience in. The thought of dating has always made me kind of uncomfortable. I'm a bit of an old soul I suppose, so the thought of having to commit to someone when you start dating is a really weird concept to me. It used to be that dating was just something you would do for fun. You would go out with a variety of people to get to know each other and become better at relationships in general. It wasn't so much that you were trying to find one person that you were completely comfortable with. You were getting to know multiple people and personalities. Now dating is looked at in an entirely different way. Now when you actually go on a date, it is seen as you really like this person and they are one of your options for marriage. The assumption for when you start dating someone is "we don't go on dates, we're dating" Dating is not “dating” anymore. When you want to get to know people better it’s just “hanging out.”  Now is this such a bad thing? I mean what's wrong with hanging out with people? You're still getting to know them right? Although you are still getting to know people when you hang out with them, you are getting to know them in a group setting rather than an individual one. When you do finally start dating you don’t really have experiences where you get to know one another. You kind of just continue hanging out as you would in a group. We need to continue having small but important experiences together so that when people do get married, the relationship they end up having doesn’t come as a complete shock.

So what is the difference between dating someone and hanging out with people? Well something I learned from Dallin H. Oaks is that a date is something that is planned, paid for, and paired off. When you are hanging out you are all just kind of together as a group of friends. You aren't just getting to know one person like you do on a date. There's not as much pressure to hang out with an individual and it can be a lot more confusing if you would like to spend more time with a certain individual or not. How do you know if you want to continue growing a certain relationship until you spend quality one-on-one time together? How do we change this new norm that we have created? How do we make it so that dating isn't just about hanging out before you get married? Make it more like it used to be, where you are getting to know the person before you become closer to them in other aspects. John Van Epp made a really interesting formula for getting to know someone. He said that the three things you need are to take time, to talk, and togetherness. So what do these mean? According to this formula it takes at least three months for you to begin to get to know someone. To talk means to have mutual self disclosure, so you both share your thoughts or emotions about a subject. Then togetherness is when you have a lot of shared experiences or shared activities. According to John Van Epp when you do these three things you are able to get to know someone better. Does this work? Like I said before, I haven't had much experience with dating, but I have had some experience in making friends and according to my experiences these three steps ring true. it is true. I know that when I have had lots of experiences with someone, have shared important things about myself, and have known them for more than a few months, I am closer to someone than when I haven’t done these things. For example, when you move up to college and you don't know any of your roommates yet, you aren't going to share your deepest darkest secrets with them. After you have been living with each other for a few months you are more likely to share things with them that you wouldn't have in the beginning of the semester. The same thing goes for relationships. When you have more time and actually get to know people, you are able to become much closer to them.

So in conclusion we need to change the way in which the world now views dating. It's not just something you should do when you have decided you want to marry someone. It should be something that we do to get to know people and develop our relationships with them. Thank you so much for your time and good luck in your dating! :)